How Listening Will Make You A Social Butterfly

Dr. Conor Hogan Ph.D.
5 min readMar 19, 2021


Whether you’re an introvert or extrovert it doesn't matter, because your social skills will always benefit the most by using your ears

Photo by Jeff Tumale on Unsplash

“An informal social gathering, especially one organized by the members of a particular club or group.”

Is one definition of being ‘social’.

And when you gather you’re immediately seen by others and from there, people begin to judge you.

So you have to have the skill to be able to become noticed positively within a gathering otherwise your social skills are limited.

Being able to become noticed primarily comes from how you make people feel. And before you try to impress others you have to see how to see a gathering in the first place and not everyone sees it in the same way.

Because some people are introverts and some are extroverts.

Some struggle to be in crowds and see it as a challenge to have so many people around them. They may feel as if they’re claustrophobic with a lot of other new people around them. As a result, this may mean that their social skills are stumped as they feel under pressure to perform socially.

As they may be used to spending more time alone or with smaller groups they may feel their skills may be limited in bigger gatherings.

Having to step up to the plate and move to the right people that’ll accept you in their social circle within that gathering can be tricky. And if the gathering is a big one they may feel as if other people are looking at them and judging them by every decision they make as they mingle between groups of people.

But those that are more outgoing may feel energized by being in social gatherings.

For they may spend a lot more time with people or chose their career or job because of the number of people they can be around at any given time. They will see crowds as just another thing to encounter and nothing that’s too stifling. For them, having to mingle amongst groups is pleasurable and they may even be the center of the biggest groups in a gathering.

Being loud and gregarious may be their thing and this will set the scene for everyone around them in the gathering.

But once anyone gets in front of a group or approaches a gathering they must be prepared to react to any potential question or comment that others may have there. So it’s important to have a cover story. And the most obvious questions they’re going to be asked will consist of something like:

  • Where are you from?
  • What do you do?
  • What do you think of this gathering?
  • What’s your connection with this group?
  • Who do you know here?
  • How did you find out about this event?
  • How do you compare this gathering to previous ones you’ve been at?

If you prepare one-line answers to all of these questions it’ll make you feel more prepared for the gathering when it happens. You may be asked all of these questions but it’s highly unlikely you’ll be asked them one after another in the same group of people or by the same person, or in the same way. By another person asking you so many questions, it will make them look bad in front of others, so you need not worry that all these questions are going to be thrown at you once you attend any gathering.

But it is more than likely that only one or two of those questions will be needed to be answered in gatherings.

So if you can master an answer for:

Where are you from?


What do you do?

Photo by Syed Ahmad on Unsplash

Then you’ll be able to adapt to the vast majority of interactions you’ll have in any gathering. Because human nature being as it means that even those two questions alone will be asked at different times as others share their answers and adapt to the stories of others in the group. And once those answers are given more questions pique the interest of others there meaning you’ll have lots of time to react and think of your next answer too.

And by listening and thinking you’ll be surprised with how a gathering will warm up to you and others will want you by their side.

Because more people than you think can be challenged by bigger gatherings of people and most of them feel intimated by being alone or feeling as if they’ve not enough people supporting them when they first get to a gathering. And once you have your brief answers to simple introductory questions ready, by being supportive of others in the group you’ll make them feel better about being there too.

And that’s where listening becomes a key skill to exercise.

By listening you’re letting all types of people have their voice heard in a gathering and you’ll always be appreciated for that.

Photo by The Creative Exchange on Unsplash

Sure, you may not be the most memorable person in the gathering but you’ll always be invited to accompany those that want to speak and be heard in the group because they won’t want to attend a gathering alone or have to awkwardly seek a social group to be part of once they get there.

So open your ears up, be proud of who you are, and know that your very presence is needed in social gatherings and that’s how you’ll get ahead in life while also making others feel as if you’re an important person be around.

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Dr. Conor Hogan Ph.D.

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